Finding Love Online: One Couple's Story

by Regina Reid
EpilepsyUSAstaff
Posted: March 30, 2005

"It's just so hard to meet people."

This is a response often given to the question, "Why aren't you married?" or "Why aren't you dating?" People seeking companionship frequent singles bars and cruises, speed-date and sign up with dating services looking for that special someone. Among the most popular modes of meeting a potential mate? Online dating.

Just type those two words into the Internet's search field and dozens, if not hundreds, of results offer the potential to meet Mr. & Miss Right, whether the desire is for a vegetarian or a native New Yorker.

Danny Adams had tried dating services, but it turned out the love of his life was waiting online. Not at match.com or eHarmony, but on the Epilepsy Foundation's eCommunities forumson its website.

"Hi, I'm a new member here, and wondering if anyone knows of a dating website for people with epilepsy," Danny said in a post in March 2004. He'd been married before and thought his chances for success would be increased with someone who understood life with epilepsy. "I don't think there is such a site, but thought I would ask anyway," he said in the post.

The First Words

One of the people who responded to his post was Donna, who then was Donna Latham and very active in the forums.

"I recently looked into a dating site that I just happened upon one day, and after about a week "they" matched me up with someone who did not live too far away," Donna's post said. "So I took the risk and went out with him. Yikes!"

For the next couple of days, Danny and Donna "talked" through posts on the message board. Next, they upgraded to private chats through an instant messenger (IM) program.

"We talked on IM every day for months," Donna said. "It was like we had an appointment, every day at a certain time."

Danny and Donna both knew that they were looking for companionship in their lives, so as they talked online, they were each thinking of the possibility of something more than a friendship.

They learned a lot about each other through those IM chats, about their lifestyles, spiritual faith and about each other's seizures.

"In a matter of one month, I thought, 'This is a really good person,'" Donna said of Danny. By then the two had started sharing telephone conversations.

"The more I talked to Donna, the more I liked her," Danny said. "I found we had so much in common and she was the kind of person I was looking for: honest, really takes care of herself and lives a healthy life."

The Beginning For Donna

Living a healthy life doesn't come easily to Donna, who has had epilepsy since she was 20 years old. She has tried at least a dozen anti-epilepsy medications and at times had up to 150 seizures a month.

"The first seizure I remember, my daughter, who was 4 ½ at the time, found me on the floor unconscious," Donna recalled. "I'd taught her how to dial 911 on the telephone, but she was too scared to remember, so she ran next door to a neighbor to get help.

"When I woke up there were half a dozen people in my bedroom. I didn't know what was going on," she continued.

While that was the first seizure Donna remembered, it very likely wasn't the first seizure she'd had.

"Someone told me of another seizure I had before on New Year's eve, but I didn't believe them," she said.

The Face-to-Face Meeting

Donna was also in disbelief that she was falling in love with Danny. In June 2004, three months after she replied to his post, the two began discussing an in-person meeting. Danny doesn't drive, so his brother drove the 9 hours from Virginia to Donna's home in Alabama.

"I didn't want him to come up to my apartment, so I asked him to meet me downstairs," Donna said. "When he walked into the lobby, I said, 'Wow!' I thought he was really cute."

Danny thought the same of her, even though he had some doubts on the drive down.

"On the way there I was thinking ‘What am I about to see?'" Danny recalled. "People had warned me about some crazy things, but I was almost sure she was going to be who she said she was."

During that visit, Danny and Donna went to church together, went to the movies and relished the opportunity to talk face to face. "We just enjoyed being with each other," Danny said. He also had a chance to meet Donna's daughter.

The couple continued their online and phone communication after Danny returned home. Donna later decided to fly to Virginia to spend a week with Danny and his family.

They visited Virginia's Natural Bridge (a historic landmark), went hiking, visited a church and went sightseeing around the Blue Ridge Mountains. The highlight of the June visit, however, was Danny's proposal. He asked Donna to marry him before the end of their week together, and the couple married on Aug. 28, 2004.

"It was a small wedding in Virginia," Donna said. "Just family, my best friend and my kids."

The two knew their lives together wouldn't be like most couples, because most couples don't share the bond of epilepsy. But Danny and Donna had made it so many years on their own after unsuccessful marriages, they knew they could make it together.

"We know how to look out for each other and what to do for each other if one of us has a seizure," Danny said.

Challenges With Work, School

Danny has had epilepsy practically all his life. His seizures started when he was 6 years old. He was on medications until his teenage years. He worked part-time until his early 20's when the seizures started again. He was fired from his job and had a difficult time finding work after that. He said he wasn't hired after potential employers found out he had epilepsy.

"One job hired me to build trucks," he said, "but after they got my medical report, they said they didn't have a job for me after all."

In 1989, he went through a year-long, government-sponsored rehabilitation program for people with disabilities. He received job training and in 1992 got a job working in the accounting department of the state's disability determination office. He worked there for six years until arthritis in his hands forced him to quit.

Donna has also experiences challenges with employment and education as a result of seizures.

"I was in the Army, I worked for a newspaper," she said of her work history before epilepsy. "I was in college when the seizures started, working toward a degree in psychology. I wasn't able to finish because of the seizures and medication. I wasn't keeping up and my grades fell.

"I tried to study cosmetology, but the chemicals in the air caused more seizures," she said. "A teacher asked me to drop the course."

Looking Forward To The Future

The Adams always knew they had to be wise with their finances ("You have to when you don't have a lot coming in," Danny said). Between their disability income and their money management skills, they do just fine financially, they said, even though neither is currently working.

Danny was able to establish a savings account while he was working, and now the two are about to purchase a house and move back to Alabama where Donna's children are. They are both enjoying their marriage.

"We love being married," they both said. "Danny is a very warm-hearted, gentle man who loves the Lord," Donna said of her husband. "We try to stay in shape and walk every day. We try to get out as much as we can."

Danny said while he doesn't know exactly what their future holds, "I hope we will always be happy together. We will always have each other."