NoLimits Telementoring

Information about Adolescents and Young Adults

Partly adapted from Vermont Chamber of Commerce Business Education Partnerships manual.

When reminiscing about adolescence and young adulthood, one often hears the phrase, "I'd never want to go through that again!"

It is important to remember why we think that—what problems led you to never want to go through these stages again? And, in light of current local and global issues, how would these add to your sense of self at ages 18-25?

A young person's search for identity is influenced by changing relationships with peers and adults and by internal emotional changes. The ungainly appearance aggravates the emotional stress of young people, who are already self-conscious. Mood and behavior swings may occur and may be accentuated by a diminished self-esteem-a negative view young people have of themselves that they think others share.

The contradictions, contrasts, and conflicts that young people face are quite normal. The many changes they are experiencing, along with the pressures of today's society, place some young people under a great deal of stress. There is no "typical" young adult; every child remains an individual with strengths, weaknesses, and irritating and attractive qualities.

There are, however, some general characteristics that pertain to these age groups.

General Characteristics

• Test limits, "know-it-all" attitude;
• Self-absorption;
• Vulnerable, emotionally insecure, fear of rejection, mood swings;
• Identification with admired adult.

Physical Characteristics

• Bodies go through physical changes that affect appearance;
• Early maturers may be upset with their size. A listening ear and explanations will help;
• Concerned with appearance and self-conscience about growth;
• Diet and sleep habits can be bad, which may result in low energy levels;
• Girls may begin menstruation and may begin sexual activity.

Social Characteristics

• Being accepted by friends becomes quite important;
• Cliques start to develop outside of school;
• Team games become popular;
• "Crushes" are common;
• Friends set the general rule of behavior;
• Feel a real need to conform. They dress and behave alike in order to belong.
• Very concerned about what others say and think of them;
• Have a tendency to manipulate others;
• Interested in earning own money;
• Redefining relationship with family, moving toward more independence while still looking to family for guidance and values.

Intellectual Characteristics

• Beginning to move from concrete thinking to abstract thinking;
• Can't always perceive long-range implications of current decisions;
• Expanded interest; intense, short-term enthusiasm.

Emotional Characteristics

• Sensitive to praise and recognition. Feelings are hurt easily;
• Because friends are so important at this time, there can be conflicts between friend's rules and adult rules.
• Caught between being a child and being an adult;
• Loud behavior and "showing off" hides their lack of self-confidence.

Mental Characteristics

• Tend to be perfectionists. If they try to attempt too much, they may feel frustrated and guilty;
• Want more independence, but know they need guidance and support;
• Attention span can be lengthy.

Dealing With Difficult Issues That May Arise

While a telementoring program certainly is not an intervention or counseling program, it can help young people to make decisions or seek professional help regarding some serious issues that girls these age face everyday. The following list discusses the degrees and kinds of help that mentors can provide for some very difficult issues, should they come up in conversation or you suspect something wrong:

• Peer Pressure—Adolescence is a time of socialization. Young people are gathering information, advise, ideas, and signals from people other than their parents and teachers. They look to peers for approval comparison, sources of self-esteem, and their own identity. It is important to instill a sense of self into young people if they are to learn to make educated decisions in difficult situations. The role of mentors is to equip adolescents with decision-making skills so that young people can learn to feel responsible for the outcome of their decisions.
• Substance Abuse—Peer pressure, family history and popular culture can all contribute to a young person's experimentation with alcohol, tobacco, and drugs. Encouraging young people to discuss and ask questions about substance abuse is an important step towards engaging their trust and allowing them to educate themselves regarding it's dangers. Your role as a mentor is to make literature and other resources available to them and help them to use these resources. In addition, if they ask, explain to them why you have chosen not to abuse these substances—it gives them a role model for a non-substance abuser, without preaching. Young people who already have substance abuse problems require more rigorous intervention than a mentoring program can offer. Signs that an adolescent needs outside help:.

Irrational behavior or "spaced out" behavior

A sudden increase in accidents

Lying

Loss of interest in school

Secretiveness

Spending a lot of time alone

Severe mood swings

Sleeping a lot

• Emerging Sexuality and Teenage Parenting—Body changes, social changes, and popular culture's influence make sexuality an issue at a very young age in our society. In the age of AIDS, other sexually transmitted diseases, and high teenage pregnancy rates, sex education that incorporates sensitivity to emotional needs as well as physical causes and effects is essential. Young people in need of intimacy or emotional support may turn to or seek out sexual relationships to fulfill these needs. For this reason, effective education on sexual issues should include skills for making decisions, setting goals, setting limits for relationships, fulfilling emotional needs without sex, and taking responsibility for decisions and their consequences.
• Child Abuse and Family Violence—Physical abuse detracts form a youth's self-esteem in ways that sometimes only professionals can help change. A youth may become withdrawn, and turn to peers for support and away from authority figures—no matter how well meaning. The youth may recreate a family history of violence or abuse in other relationships, thus continuing a cycle of self-hatred, shame, and hatred or suspicion of others. These problems require professional help and mentors should contact the Project Coordinator to find such help, without breaking the youth's trust in the mentor. A mentor may need to say, "I'm concerned for you and I have to report what is happening to so-and-so." Signs that an adolescent needs outside help (many of these are hard to tell over the Internet, though you may get an indication if the reaction to the abuse is severe):

Non-accidental physical injury;
Frequent "accidents";
Abrupt changes in personality;
Withdrawal;
Physical defensiveness;
Running away;
Sudden onset of compulsive and/or self-destructive behavior;
Reluctance to be with a particular family member.

• Depression and Suicide—Depression and suicide are often related to one or more of the issues above, compounded by a young person's inability to find answers to serious questions, or emotional support for difficult problems. It is important, first of all, to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation to the adolescent. Telling her "It's just a phase" or "You'll grow out of it" only verifies any beliefs she may have that you don't understand. Suicide counseling is a matter for professionals and mentors should contact the Project Coordinator for referrals, with the adolescent's knowledge. In addition to seeking professional help for the youth, mentors can listen, provide resources and help the youth to use them, and provide a support system for the youth while the youth and professional counselor seek answers. Signs that an adolescent needs outside help:

Giving away possessions;
Making a will;
Talking about death or dying;
Prolonged depression;
Saying his/her family would be better off without him/her;
Being suddenly at peace (may indicate a decision to end the pain by ending life);
Evidence of a plan and method